At the corner of South Street & Whitehead Street in Key West, a large buoy informs you that you’ve reached the lowest latitude land of contiguous North American States – tough luck, Hawaii! Where’s my Key Lime flavored Pop-Tarts!?
Next to the Big Buoy is a statue of Albert Kee who would blow on a conch shell, waving, and yelling “Welcome to the island!” to everyone — literally everyone — who visited its Southernmost Point monument. In honor of Albert, I told the breakfast pastry: “Welcome to my stomach!”
90 miles from Cuba – Don’t worry, Pop-Tart: my belly is closer!
Long taste off a short pier
Nicknamed “The Pearl of the Adriatic”, Dubrovnik, Croatia was founded about 1,300 years ago. That’s well beyond a typical Pop-Tart’s expiration date. This beautiful Old Town is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, yet one should argue that Pop-Tarts feed the world & isn’t that more important to our heritage… site?
Strolling around the City Walls in June, the hot sun cooked my Pop-Tart from above, while the sun bounced off the white stones to heat my Pop-Tart from below too. Not to mention that after the sun bounced off the white stone, it then bounced off my pale skin as well. My Pop-Tart was perfectly warm and delicious.
Note the crumbs on my shirt: they solve the Da Vinci Code.
The Ponte Vecchio is medieval stone closed-spandrel arch bridge over the Arno River in Florence (Firenze), Italy according to Wikipedia. But who trusts Wikipedia? The shops which cover the bridge were originally butchers & tanners… and the stench of rotting meat and tanners chemicals was #terrible. So in 1593, Grand Duke Ferdinando Medici said, “Lose the stink” and replaced those shops with jewelers & goldsmiths.
Considering my family name is ‘Goldsmith’, and I enjoyed a bene Pop-Tart this afternoon, there’s nothing left to say but “Arrivederci Medici, there’s a new Grand Duke in town!”
Ooh la la, je mange une Pop-Tart à la plage!
The French Riviera: known for glamorous movie starlets, the Côte d’Azur on le Mediterranean Sea & the fine French cuisine such as the Tart de Pop. Our sexy fashion model is suffering from that greatest French state of being: Ennui.
Does he devour this yummy Pop-Tart? Oui. But after he does eat it, shall he be in possession of one less breakfast toaster pastry? Oui. Qu’est-ce que c’est? Le great dilemma of every Pop-Tart eater.
Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous? Jacques is eating Pop-Tarts.
Pastry in Chief
November 22nd, 1963: a sad day for our nation and the world. In Dealey Plaza, the Lincoln Continental carrying the president turned down Elm Street just past the Texas School Book Depository… President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed.
In 2018, I traveled there on a very hot May day (close to 90° at 9:30am) to see for myself the space where we lost our 35th President. Elm Street has two large X-marks which show the location where the Jack Kennedy was struck.
I chowed down on a brown sugar Pop-Tart to mark that dark day, but some conspiracy theories have wondered if a second Pop-Tart was eaten on the grassy knoll to the north of Elm Street. Re-form the Warren Commission.
Do Not Feed the Tourists
Back in 1967, during the famed Summer of Love, the Monterey International Pop Festival, a 3-day music festival at the Monterey County Fairgrounds, introduced the world to The Jimi Hendricks Experience, The Who, Janis Joplin and Otis Redding. No, I’ve never heard of any of these acts either.
But I consider 2017 to be the true Moneterey Pop Fest / Summer of Love, because I ‘love’ ‘Pop’-Tarts. #CleverWriting. The sea waters which travel down from the Arctic keep Monterey Peninsula cool with highs in low 60s even during July?!? Behind me, Fisherman’s Wharf has been turned into cheesy touristy spots.
With many fat seals desperate for food, I suggest keeping both hands on your delicious breakfast pastry at all times.
Needle Pop-Tart in Me Empty Belly Space
So people will tell you that the Seattle Space Needle was built for the 1962 World’s Fair. Building one of the tallest structures west of the Mississippi must have worn out the fine workers of the Pacific Northwest.
Just 2 years later, can you guess which certain sexy square breakfast pastry was introduced to the fair world?
Really, you can’t figure it out?
Eating a Pop-Tart in Seattle? It’s Nirvana. #getit #nirvanawasfromseattle
Don’t ever say, that I won’t wake up early to get a breakfast toaster pastry in me belly!
Seattle’s Pike Place Market is famous for fishmongers tossing fishes to other fishmongers as tourists watch… but why don’t the tourists catch those fish? Perhaps they should throw something that hasn’t been swimming around in salt water!?! Like the delicious brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tart that I threw into me mouth.
Pretty tasty, eh!
STEAM: Good for Clocks, Bad for Pop-Tarts!
Gastown is the fun area of Vancouver to hang out in like a tourist. And a ‘big‘ draw is the Gastown Steam Clock, the world’s first steam powered clock, is a ‘small’ wonder. Unlike other notable city clocks that I’ve seen: London’s Big Ben, the Munich Glockenspiel, the Prague astronomical clock, the Clock at the Musée d’Orsay in Paris, or the clock in Zytglogge tower in Berne, Switzerland… the Gastown Steam Clock could be dunked on by LeBron James.
Anyway, I have never cooked a Pop-Tart via clean Canadian steam. My toaster oven does a fine job with good ol’ American dirty coal power! USA!
I can see Russia from my Pop-Tart!
The Clan House in Totem Bight State Historical Park is a representation of the type of dwelling that the people of the First Nations would’ve lived in the early 19th century.
One problem that I would’ve worried about if I’d been living then: one single fire in the house shared by all?!? Imagine heating up your breakfast pastry and that tempting aroma getting around: how many battles over the delicious taste of Pop-Tarts would’ve been started? Imagine.